Counting the Cost

Kingsley Simeon Duru

Luke 14:28

“For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?”

Proper application of every scripture will direct the path of believers. The wrong application of the scripture will turn out to be a stumbling block on reprobates.

Believers should grow beyond the surface understanding of the truth into a deeper application of what they believe. Most Christians suffer not because they are not true believers, they suffer for not doing the needful.

I will be focusing on godly relationship and marriage in this article. Too many things are happening in Christian home that ought not to be so. Most believers are enduring their relationship and marriage that should have become blissful, some are going through series of abuses, molestation, humiliation, denial and pain because they failed in applying a biblical principle in Luke 14:28. It is expected that before the initial contact in your relationship that perhaps you were led by God or maybe you were led by certain likeness.

Apart from what you feel regarding a partner, you must be very intentional and active in what you want. You must plan, plan and plan again before going into any relationship, be it courtship or marital relationship, it requires proper planning before embarking on it. At times people get carried away by a particular attribute in you and forget you also have your spec on life. Nobody should blackmail you with spiritual quotes of how the lord is leading me to you and all that, there must be a connection, conviction and confirmation before allowing yourself to be carried away by whatever anyone has to say. The worst part of life is when an individual does not know how the Lord speaks to him or her. People who lack relationship with the Lord can be easily blackmailed into a relationship that will probably lead them to divorce or hell at last. The fact that he is your pastor does not mean he can be your husband, the fact that she is beautiful and astonishing does not mean she is your wife. When you seek the face of God first for yourself, you will never sink in the wrong relationship. When you become desperate about marriage and forget some spicy essentials that will make your home blissful, it will be very difficult or almost impossible to get the original flavor. Count the cost before you proceed, every action should be propelled by intention. If you are already in an abusive relationship and you feel you can manage, then you should also be prepared for the worst… it is not too late to “back out”, yes I mean call it a quit, for how long do you intend to continue in such relationship that does not give you peace of mind. The reason you were in a relationship is so you can study each other. Mind you it is not compulsory you must end-up together. That is why it is advisable you have to walk in with understanding so that no one will hold you ransom on any legal ground. Avoid unnecessary gift and visitation, it is rewarding when godly partners are independent and matured then it will be easy to say things as it is. If you are blinded by your emotions, it will be difficult to let go of toxic partners and wrong companion.

Take note:

v If he/ she does not understand you now, don’t expect a miracle later. If you don’t agree, it is enough to call it quit (Amos 3:3).

v If he/she does not support your dreams and vision, call it a quit

v If he/she does not appreciate your family members and people from your place, there will be no miracle worker that will change that mentality.

v If you are not excited about them, please don’t proceed. (Great partners must or should be cheerful and excited about each other)

v Don’t just marry because people feel you should.

v If they are not excited about your passion, call it quit. Your passion is what gives a sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Count the cost properly before you marry, if you regret the relationship today, mind you, it won’t be anything less. If the man does not have the required resource you expect of him, be polite enough to tell him that you cannot marry on the ground of his resources. If the lady is not your class, instead of punishing her with constant sermon of her not being your class, please let her go and mind other business that will make her useful and profitable.

I believe everyone in life have that person who will understand, agree and accept them the way they are without considering anything.

Don’t fall victim of what most people suffer in their marriage today, some just discovered that the man/woman they married was never real, and others discovered they had married a plastic and a decorated hypocrites.

Tips on getting started:

1. Plan: plan to be in a godly relationship after you have done the necessaries (Pray and know the will of God) apart from proceeding to your church leaders, you must have prepared yourself for the journey ahead. Don’t make your plans on people’s budget. If you must marry, you should be able to have a short and long term plan. i. a short term plan is one that you ask yourself if you can bear the burden of financing and managing a ceremony if everything should go your way. Ii. A long term plan is one that you ask yourself if you can sustain the family with the available income after the marriage, without borrowing and incurring debt.

2. Pray: Commit it into the hands of God, believe in the one who led you into it. Don’t try gambling with your relationship or the process, make sure you are certain that God is leading you else you will encounter all sort of heartbreaks and disappointment (Prov. 3:5, 6) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

3. Prepare: be adequately prepared in all ramification before proceeding. Be mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually prepared. Marriage is not for boys and girls. Get all the necessary things ready and then proceed.

4. Proceed: take a bold step of faith to do the needful with full intention and awareness. Don’t get blackmailed by some sugar-coated speech or revelation or vision. Allow it to go through proper test channel.

You won’t regret anything when you adequately prepare yourself before you venture into a relationship.

Get to know your partner better before marriage and if there is doubt in any area of his/her life please don’t hesitate to quit.

A broken courtship is better and tolerable than a broken home… Don’t play games with your future. Know when to say goodbye when necessary.